One evening my Mom noticed that an empty can of stew AND pork and beans were in the garbage. “You will get big if you keep eating like that.” she said under her breath. I heard every word. And although I know now, as an adult, that my loving wonderful Momma meant no harm and that she regretted the words as soon as she realized I had heard them….well…they are still burned into my memories.

I was 16 and determined–passionately sharing with EVERYONE my dreams of being a motivational speaker. My enthusiasm, uninhibited by life’s scratches and scars, was ripe for the picking. An older friend of the family, patiently listened to me as I excitingly described my biggest goals, only to say, once I paused in anticipation of his positive feedback, “And who do you think you are to do something like that? You better come down from the clouds little girl.” He didn’t BELIEVE in me. From his response I actually felt that he didn’t even really like me.

What do all three of these personal stories of VIVID memories bonded to strong emotions represent?

They are all MOLDABLE MOMENTS. Moments that contributed to my identity, self confidence and body- image. Moments that help build the framework to the relationship I have with others and most importantly with myself. Like etchings in tree bark and permanent marker on a white board–the initial interpreted messages of the experiences never REALLY go away.

Of course, in my life, as in yours, there are many POSITIVE MOLDABLE MOMENTS as well. All of which also contribute to ones identity, self confidence and body-image. It’s just that human brains seem to be wired for remembering the negatives (survival instinct?) which is why we can so easily access those memories AND the associated feelings. They remain in our psyche–waiting to be triggered and re-experienced.

Take a moment to think about your MOLDABLE MOMENTS. What comes to mind quickly? How did you feel when it happened? How do you feel about that past experience now? And here are the REALLY IMPORTANT questions: 

a) When triggered, how do you re-experience your past MOLDABLE MOMENTS in the similar situations of today? 
b) How do you react, and what do you feel, when your child faces challenges similar to your own history?

If your MOLDABLE MOMENTS portfolio is filled with experiences of bullying for being over/under-weight you may inadvertently become over-concerned and reactive to your child’s weight. Perhaps a powerful MOLDABLE MOMENT for you was NOT being asked to Prom (or to any dance for that matter)–how might that experience impact the way you view your own daughters relationships with boys?

Here are some tips on how to use our own MOLDABLE MOMENTS  (MM’s) for positive parenting:

1. Take Inventory of your biggest MM’s:
There is a very big difference between STEWING in the past and UNDERSTANDING or recognizing past MOLDABLE MOMENTS that brought us to who and where we are today.  Reflect on the experiences of the past as an opportunity to EMBRACE the contributions they had to your sense of self. With that powerful knowledge you can take on a more objective view on how you would like to support your child through similar experiences.

2. Remember that your MM’s are not theirs:
Fast forward 25 years. My 5 year old, pulling up her shirt to show off her round belly, declared to me, “Look at my belly Mom! I am so fat!”. Like a time-warp my brain transports me back to grade one, sitting on that bench, confused and ashamed. “I LOVE my tummy!” she shrieks in excitement as she runs away giggling. My panicked thoughts of how to save her from her self judgment calm. A strong reminder of how MOLDABLE MOMENTS can potentially encourage one to impart both WISDOM and WORRY.  

3. Share how you felt. Share what you LEARNED.
Share your MOLDABLE MOMENTS (age appropriate of course). Being authentic and sharing how you felt when you faced adversity similar to your child’s fosters positive communication and respect (even if you are laughed at during the vulnerable “I’m sharing my feelings with you” moment). VERY IMPORTANT! Share how you felt AND what you learned from the experiences. How are you stronger as a person? How did that past experience shape who you are today? Of course to do #3 effectively, and with the necessary positive flair, you will need to have completed #1 on this list first.


How we REACT today to our MOLDABLE MOMENTS also teaches our children self-compassion, awareness and personal growth. Help them to see that, no matter the adversity, there is great strength in expressing how we feel and learning from where we have been.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY.


Written by Trisha Miltimore, National Inspirational Speaker, radio broadcaster and mompreneur.

WWW.CONTAGIOUS.CA


Follow Trish on Facebook for daily inspiration at Trisha Miltimore Inspirational Speaker

It all sounds so EASY. Just another element of model parenting we need to be “worried” about.

Guess I should have been more GRATEFUL when my partner AGAIN soaked the pan from dinner instead of washing it because, and I quote, “They really needed the time in the water.”

The pressure is on.

Sometimes it’s HARD to be grateful when the frustrating twist and turns of daily life seemingly smother our best intentions.

All too often we are visited by the GREMLINS–negative focused thoughts born out of frustration, a sense of lack of control, over commitments, minimal valued personal time and the deep rooted belief systems that completely UNDERMINE our ability to FEEL gracious.
The raw and undeniable reality is that as adults and parents we must EMBRACE gratitude, practice it daily, and plant the seeds of lifelong gratitude in our kidlets.
If we let the GREMLINS (negative focused thoughts) run the show we will be teaching our children that when times get tough the tough complain, whine, act out in anger, resentment and frustration.

It’s pretty easy for the majority of us to be HAPPY and GRACIOUS when times are good. When we are getting what we want and feeling satisfied and uplifted as a result.

But how do you react when things go awry? When you are disappointed? When you are hurt, angry or rejected? It is in these moments, the difficult ones, when we need to SHINE our light of gratitude. To own the experience, learn from it and move forward.

No doubt. It takes practice….here are some tips for beating the GREMLINS and experiencing GRATITUDE:

1. DO IT DAILY
While enjoying the first sip of your hot latte, soaking in the bath or driving to work pick a ritualistic time DAILY to think of one thing you are grateful for. Gratitude is a mind-set, a positive perspective, that with practice will become a life-altering habit!
Around the dinner table take turns voicing today’s GRATITUDE THOUGHT. It is always surprising, and equally insightful, what our children are grateful for.

2. WRITE IT, SAY IT, SHOW IT
Start a JOURNAL. If you find that difficult write ongoing letters to your kids that speak to all the wonderful things about them and your lives. Be sure to include the lessons you have learned from ALL your experiences. An amazing 16th Birthday present!

Share with others why you are grateful for who they are and the special place they hold in your life. Kids and adults LOVE to be honored this way.

3. Be Grateful for the DIFFICULT Times
It’s completely human to get frustrated, angry and sad. Kids of all ages are intimately connected to our moods and body language. With age appropriate language communicate with your children how you are feeling, why you are feeling this way, what you have learned and how you plan on moving forward. Number three in this list is by far the most important technique you can employ in beating out the GREMLINS & modeling GRATITUDE in the family. Children who practice gratitude tend to become kinder, more appreciative, more enthusiastic and just generally happier. Adults and parents who practice gratitude tend to experience the same!

Bye bye GREMLINS. Hello GRATITUDE. Enjoy the JOURNEY.



Written by Trisha Miltimore, National Inspirational Speaker, radio broadcaster and mompreneur.
WWW.CONTAGIOUS.CA
 

This year I will do more

I will be more.

I’m going to LET GO of the emotional clouds that shade me from the warmth of fulfillment.

Must remember that LETTING GO is a journey of the heart and not a decision of the mind.

I will be gentle on me.

EXPLORE. EXPERIENCE. ENERGIZE

I’m going to call that person who I leave space for in my heart simply because, deep down, that is what I really want to do.

More SELF LOVE. I deserve my attention.

Energy flows where ATTENTION GOES.

Need to be aware of what I continuously focus on.

I’m going to go shopping and buy myself something beautiful that makes me feel amazing.

Popcorn & a movie. At least once a week.

I will not take everything so dam personally.

This year I will stop WANTING and waiting

and start ASKING and getting.

No excuses. No remorse. ONLY RESULTS.

STRENGTH. DETERMINATION. FORTITUDE.

I am going to COMPLIMENT more.  Make eye contact with strangers.

I am going to GOOGLE Aristotle and clean out my kitchen drawers.

This year I am going to ENJOY the awesome and LEARN from the not-so good.

This year I am going to focus on how my BODY FEELS instead of how I want it to LOOK.

Boom Chicka Wa Wa

I am going to ACCEPT me as a work in progress.

Watch my POWER and COURAGE soar.

From REJECTION I will find REJUVINATION.

This year I gladly welcome your OPINION however your APPROVAL will not be needed.

I am going to GET OUT OF MY OWN WAY.

I will rise to the occasion.

This year I will ALTER my life experience by simply focusing on what I am FOR instead of what I am AGAINST.

Nutrients over calories.

This year

I am going to LISTEN, LEARN & LOVE.

I will change my thoughts and in turn CHANGE MY DESTINY

PURPOSE not PASSIVENESS. Many possibilities lie before me.

I am going to be RIDICUOSLY PERSISTENT. I will create my vision.

This year

equals three hundred and sixty five days of good-intention

2012. Bring. It. On.

It all sounds so EASY. Just another element of model parenting we need to be “worried” about. Guess I should have been more GRATEFUL when my partner AGAIN soaked the pan from dinner instead of washing it because, and I quote, “They really needed the time in the water.”

The pressure is on.

Sometimes it’s HARD to be grateful when the frustrating twist and turns of daily life seemingly smother our best intentions.
All too often we are visited by the GREMLINS–negative focused thoughts born out of frustration, a sense of lack of control, over commitments, minimal valued personal time and the deep rooted belief systems that completely UNDERMINE our ability to FEEL gracious.
The raw and undeniable reality is that as adults and parents we must EMBRACE gratitude, practice it daily, and plant the seeds of lifelong gratitude in our kidlets.
If we let the GREMLINS (negative focused thoughts) run the show we will be teaching our children that when times get tough the tough complain, whine, act out in anger, resentment and frustration.

It’s pretty easy for the majority of us to be HAPPY and GRACIOUS when times are good. When we are getting what we want and feeling satisfied and uplifted as a result. But how do you react when things go awry? When you are disappointed? When you are hurt, angry or rejected? It is in these moments, the difficult ones, when we need to SHINE our light of gratitude. To own the experience, learn from it and move forward. No doubt. It takes practice….here are some tips for beating the GREMLINS and experiencing GRATITUDE:

1. DO IT DAILY
While enjoying the first sip of your hot latte, soaking in the bath or driving to work pick a ritualistic time DAILY to think of one thing you are grateful for. Gratitude is a mind-set, a positive perspective, that with practice will become a life-altering habit!
Around the dinner table take turns voicing today’s GRATITUDE THOUGHT. It is always surprising, and equally insightful, what our children are grateful for.

2. WRITE IT, SAY IT, SHOW IT
Start a JOURNAL. If you find that difficult write ongoing letters to your kids that speak to all the wonderful things about them and your lives. Be sure to include the lessons you have learned from ALL your experiences. An amazing 16th Birthday present!

Share with others why you are grateful for who they are and the special place they hold in your life. Kids and adults LOVE to be honored this way.

3. Be Grateful for the DIFFICULT Times
It’s completely human to get frustrated, angry and sad. Kids of all ages are intimately connected to our moods and body language. With age appropriate language communicate with your children how you are feeling, why you are feeling this way, what you have learned and how you plan on moving forward. Number three in this list is by far the most important technique you can employ in beating out the GREMLINS & modeling GRATITUDE in the family.

Children who practice gratitude tend to become kinder, more appreciative, more enthusiastic and just generally happier. Adults and parents who practice gratitude tend to experience the same!

Bye bye GREMLINS. Hello GRATITUDE. Enjoy the JOURNEY.


Written by Trisha Miltimore, National Inspirational Speaker, radio broadcaster and mompreneur.
WWW.CONTAGIOUS.CA
 

My hands cold from the brisk temperature I fumbled my VISA into the card slot waiting for digital instructions. I was agitated.

“Do you have any spare change?” a soft voice asked me.

I quickly shoved my VISA into my wallet, closed it, while answering, “No. I don’t.”

“Okay. Thanks anyway.” the woman politely answered. She was in her mid 40’s dressed in blue jeans, an 80’s style pink sweater and a dirty light denim jean jacket.

I DID have change. My heart sagged with guilt. Frustration. Compassion.

“I can buy you a coffee.”

The woman, now already half a block away turned around. Acknowledging my comment she began walking back towards me.

“What’s your name?” I asked

“Pamela. You?”

“Trisha”.

“I really appreciate this. I was up all night sick.” Pamela explained.

“Well then a hot tea or coffee should make you feel a little better.”

I wanted her to feel like I was treating her with respect and not as a pity opportunity.

In the short ten minutes we chatted I learned that Pamela has struggled with mental illness for 30 years. Her sister and mother recently died from cancer. She was taken from her parents at age 13 and reunited with them ten years ago.

“Do you know how AMAZING it was to be with them again after 30 years?” she asked me.

She has never been married. Has no children. At a young age she was introduced to the streets via a relationship with a man who she later found out was a heroin addict.

She once painted five pictures. Gave all five away to friends.

“It was sad to see them go”. Pamela said with a tinge of regret in her eyes.

I imagined Pamela as a small child. An innocent little person as precious and beautiful as my three girls. My heart ached with all that she must have been through in her life. Was her childhood a happy one? Was she loved?

As she talked a running dialogue played in my mind…

It must be hard to have to ask people for money all the time. She must be cold.
I wonder how much of what she says is true. Doesn’t matter anyway–I’m here for my daily $5 latte and she is asking strangers for money in the street. What kind of mental illness does she have? What does she do all day?

Internally, I struggled on how to show genuine compassion with out sounding like I was feeling sorry for her. I mean, if I was homeless I wouldn’t want people to feel sorry for me…right? Ugh. I just really wanted the experience to be supportive and caring.

While I was busy trying to make the moment the “best” it could my internal chitter chatter came to a grinding HALT when Pamela stated,

“I don’t know what God’s plan is for me yet.”

Her words were dense with emotion. They were absolutely genuine. Raw and real.

Yet. Yet. She used the word YET! There was HOPE in her statement. Not just in the word but in the WAY she said it.

“Maybe your art is part of God’s plan Pamela.” she returned my statement with a smile.

All day I have felt the need to write this story down. To SHARE with others how Pamela made me intensely AWARE of some of life’s GREATEST GIFTS.

To FEEL like I am part of a greater plan. To BELIEVE that I have purpose.

I strive to raise my girls to feel that they capable of creating a fulfilling life journey. I hope they experience, on those rare and crazy magical days, that the UNIVERSE is aligning just right, at that very moment, JUST FOR THEM.

I so hope that Pamela feels that way one day too.

Taking a sip of her latte, enjoying the sweet whipping cream on top, Pamela said, “Thanks again Trisha.” Holding the warm breakfast sandwich in one hand she softly waved good bye with the other.

I wanted to buy Pamela coffee to help her out. To feel good about myself.

It was more than a moment of generosity. It was an experience of transformation…for yours truly.

GRATITUDE for PURPOSE.

Thank you Pamela

Follow Trisha Miltimore on her facebook page for daily inspiration!

My favorite time of day is waking up before my kids and posting a daily inspirational thought or anecdote on my facebook page. I relish the calmness of the early morning hour and draw strength from the silence.  One of my favorite keynotes to deliver is based on K.A.R.M.A (Knowledge, Attitude, Respect, Motivation, Action) and lately I have been focusing on a different aspect of K.A.R.M.A for each day’s empowerment posting. A short while back I came across a quote from a woman who INSPIRES me and no doubt has impacted many of you. Oprah Winfrey.

If you feel STUCK in a job that cages your capabilities and ingenuity. This quote is for you.

If you are SEARCHING for calmness from your chaos. This quote is for you.

If you feel FRUSTRATED with your circumstances and then feel FRUSTRATED that you are always feeling FRUSTRATED. This quote is for you.

If you want to make a DIFFERENCE in the lives of others but don’t even know where to start when you feel powerless to make changes in your own. This quote is for you.

If you are successful and empowered by your own self-expression and choices but still feel OVERWHELMED by the constant pressure of high expectations. This quote is for you.

In fact, this quote has a nugget of UNIVERSAL TRUTH that really speaks to everyone. 

“Ignoring your passion is like dying a slow death…Passion whispers to you through your feelings, beckoning you toward your highest good. Pay attention to what makes you feel energized, connected, stimulated- what gives you your juice. Do what you love, give it back in the form of service, and you will do more than succeed. You will triumph.” Oprah Winfrey

I truly believe there is an inner voice that speaks to me…whispering my deepest needs and desires. An inner wisdom intricately connected to my soul and heart that DEMANDS me to steer a life-course in the direction of my passion and purpose. When I don’t listen to these whispers I find myself feeling lost, disconnected and less happy.  THANK YOU Oprah for a quote that helps ME to have the courage to follow my PASSION and live a life of PURPOSE.

Please share how you have listened to your inner wisdom and followed your PASSION with PURPOSE! Remember, even the seemingly smallest steps can have life-changing transformational power.

From PASSION comes PURPOSE.  Enjoy the journey….

Connect with Trisha on Facebook and Twitter via www.contagious.ca

Trisha Miltimore is a national speaker, mom of two princesses, radio announcer and retail business owner. Her passion for EMPOWERING Mompreneurs and youth takes her across Canada spreading her message on the POWER OF KARMA (Knowledge, Attitude, Respect, Motivation and Action!).

Recently I had the amazing opportunity to be a facilitator with the Women Enterprise Centre Women In Business Mentor Program.

WE ARE PASSIONATE, DETERMINED and POWERFUL WOMEN. Here is OUR list of “insights and life lessons for business and beyond”…..enjoy!



INSIGHT AND INTUITION–Women in Business Mentor Group shares from experience.

Learn to say NO!


Remember that it doesn’t always go the way you think it will–BE ADAPTIVE and OPEN to new opportunities.

Go with the flow. 

You can’t do it all on your own–support from your industry and people are required.

KNOW the people you are thinking of going into business with–do your research.

READ the fine print (use your own lawyer).

Never compromise your process or integrity when faced with a “panic deal”.

Trust your instincts–if something feels wrong it is wrong.

Take 24 hours to make major decisions or to take major action (this includes emotionally charged minor communications…including sending off NASTY emails when supercharged with anger or frustration).

Avoid making major decisions during PMS.

Your time is worth money–value yourself.

There is a major difference between being flexible and being taken advantage of.

The BEST ideas come while in the shower

Perfection can be the ULTIMATE PROCRASTINATION.

Create relationships where you can express your AUTHENTIC self.

The word confidence means “in faith”.

Schedule 5 minutes every week to review goals (professional and personal)

Play by the rules you can live with.

Believe in what others see in you, until you see it in yourself.


PLEASE COMMENT with your own insights and life lessons….we can learn from each other.
 

My aunt sent me this via email and I just had to share….

The lecture was on the mind-body connection – the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.



At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.



Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality “girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin – a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely. 



Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged—not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!



So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. Sooooo let's toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. Evidently it's very good for our health.

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Most mornings I feel defeated and FRUSTRATED that she will not cooperate. Until recently…

After another battle of the wills my pint size little girl looked at me and said ever so calmly, “Mom, it doesn’t bother me to have my hair in my face. It’s NOT IMPORTANT to me.”

Okay. I raise the white flag. Lesson learned. While I recognize that I am the Momma and yes some things are non-negotiable I also need to, at times, re-evaluate the reasons why I want things a certain way.

How many times have I repeatedly tried to get someone to see something from my point of view or to do things the way I want them to simply because it is IMPORTANT and a PRIORITY to me? How many times have I been so STUCK on convincing them of what I WANT that I don’t LISTEN to their needs and what’s important to them?

Another classic case in point:  I feel it’s important to make the bed in the morning but my husband doesn’t. To him making the bed seems like a waste of time (I think he really believes that nonsense!).  While a discussion on my partner’s habits compared to mine requires an ongoing 6-week blog series I can simply say this:

Once I altered my expectation that he would make the bed, the frustration (and resentment) I felt for him NOT doing it was released. And, more importantly, my ENERGY was no longer wasted. For all his great attributes, and he has many, finally conceding that this was one battle I really didn’t need nor want to fight was…liberating .  I’ll save my nagging, I mean respectable requests, for more important issues like clothes being picked up off the floor.

Alter your expectations and you just might change your entire EXPERIENCE with that person or situation.  A regular re-evaluation of priorities and needs is a powerful personal tool to help achieve a greater sense of balance and fulfillment.

Enjoy the journey.
Trisha Miltimore

Connect with Trisha on Facebook and Twitter via www.contagious.ca
momcafé members receive a special discount on all of Trisha’s programs. Ask Trisha for more information.

Trisha Miltimore is a national speaker, a mom of two princesses, a radio announcer and a retail business owner. Her passion for EMPOWERING Mompreneurs and youth takes her across Canada spreading her message on the POWER OF KARMA (Knowledge, Attitude, Respect, Motivation and Action!).